By Lisa O’Rourke
The Irish Mammy – it is impossible not to love her. Like all prototypes of motherhood, she is an institution. She is unique in her talents. She is never called Mom; she is Mam or Mammy. While her name is static, her roles in the life of her beloved family are not.
Family Doctor
The Irish Mammy is the family doctor. Many minor ailments, like a stomachache, call for boiled 7 Up. I can promise you that when it was prescribed to me, I instantly “felt better.” Run down? Well, nothing cures that like a bottle of Lucozade, another disgusting drink that I believe has cures attributed to it because no one wants the dose.
Random aches and pains or just a case of the blues equal comfort. No better source of that for that comfort is the hot water bottle. I thought they were extinct, until one appeared on a cold evening, blubbery and warm. However, these must be used with caution if you don’t want to wake up in a puddle.
One cure that can’t be omitted is whisky, the Irish water of life. My first exposure to whisky as a “catch-all” cure was to see an Irish Mammy rubbing the “cratur” on the gums of my distressed teething baby.
Of course it worked. Nothing will exorcise the demon of influenza like a good hot whisky. Colds on the brink of pneumonia are stopped in their tracks. Trust me. Try it!
Irish Hot Whisky (recipe)
A good doctor also cautions against disease. The Irish Mammy is no amateur here. I never knew how vulnerable kidneys are to cold and drafts prior to my “Mammy education.” Apparently, if you walk around barefoot or expose yourself to drafts, you are risking kidney failure.
Clergy
Have a problem, a really big problem? Share that problem with an Irish Mammy and she will bolt to the door to light a candle for you. These are not the decorative variety, but the Church votive type, the ones sitting under a statue of a saint in the local church.
If it’s really serious, she might commit to a Novena. The Irish Mammy knows the saint to pray to for specific issues.
I have St. Anthony on speed dial. Condolences, or bad cases require a trip to get Mass cards.
Driving on Irish roads has driven many people to religion. The Irish Mammy has this one too.
Never let her see that you do not have “religion” in your car. A Child of Prague or Padre Pia are favorites, but a Miraculous medal will do.
Irish Things
There are other things, outside the faith, that you must mind. Stay away from fairy forts. The Irish Mammy may tell you that she doesn’t believe in such things with the same breath that she cautions you to mind yourself around them.
Why take the chance? She knows that if you cross the line there, a pooka will find a way to lead you astray.
The Irish Mammy knows who in the village has cures. It is someone like the seventh son or the child who was born after the father died.
These twists of fate imbue a person with abilities to cure specific ailments like shingles. When all else fails, the Irish Mammy is not above giving one of them a call.
Mad Money Consultant
The Irish Mammy is shrewd with a Euro. She is not afraid to bargain in the village shops. She keeps a relationship with the village bookie. She uses that to parlay a hot tip into some rainy-day mad money.
And that mad money is promptly stashed in a biscuit tin or old shoe box, because the rainy day is right around the corner. No one is a better gambler than the Irish Mammy, be it Bingo or horses.
The Village Tea
The Irish Mammy has a file on the village. She knows.
She will tell you about the randy neighbor whom you should never ever let give you a “hug.” She knows who the “house drinker” is. She knows who will pay back favors and who is purely out for themselves.
She knows what house to call into for a bit of craic on a quiet evening. She knows which houses to avoid, the ones so mean you wouldn’t get a cup of tea out of them. She knows who to go to when she needs a hand.
Irish Fashion
The Irish Mammy has a flair for fashion. She wouldn’t be seen at a wedding without a dress with matching hat, coat and shoes. She and the Queen had that in common.
The crowning glory, the hair is not done yourself. A big occasion calls for a blowout at the hairdresser, always.
She will remind you when you have fallen short of the mark. If you hear something like, “Oh is that what they are wearing,” you’re on the wrong end of things. You had best go fix it or prepare yourself for a long day of passive-aggressive banter.
Irish Gardner
You might see some Irish Mammys with a little vegetable garden. That is not where they shine though. The Irish Mammy has amazing roses and she knows how to keep them. If they go a little south, she knows just how to perk them up, be it rusty nails or horse poo.
Irish Gourmand
You knew this was coming – of course she cooks and well! No Irish Mammy would be unable to bake a brown bread and an apple tart on the spot. The main gift of the Irish Mammy in the kitchen is the ability to create a meal out of whatever is at hand. It might not be fancy, but it will have a simple farm-to-table goodness.
Mothering Sunday
The Irish have been celebrating their mothers for a long, long time, since the Middle Ages. An honor that they deserve. The holiday is always a few weeks before Easter, usually in March.
Yep, another day out to break up Lent.
The Irish Mammy is worth that devotion. She gives it back in spades. In addition to all her other traits, the Irish Mammy is all about love.
She may not always get things right herself, but you can rest assured that all is done with the best of intentions. To have known one is to love one.
Funny Irish Mammies Video:
Funny Irish Mammies-Jarlath Regan
