Humorous Tales: Roosters, Rabbits, and Storks

Feeling Randy

A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster for sale.

The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you’ve got, no problem.” Randy costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’ll be worth it, so he buys him.

The farmer takes Randy home, sets him down in the barnyard, and gives him a pep talk. “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer says with a chuckle.

Randy seems to understand, and when the farmer points toward the henhouse, he takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse—three or four times. The farmer is in shock.

Later, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, and sure enough, Randy is in there too. Later still, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again—WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset, Randy is out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught—worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the next day, the farmer finds Randy dead as a doorknob—stone cold in the middle of the yard with buzzards circling overhead.

Saddened, the farmer shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. Now look what you’ve done to yourself.”

Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky, and says, “Shhh. They’re getting closer.”

Hiring The Daft

Paddy and Mick go down to the local job center. There is a big sign on the door saying, “Interviews for deaf people only.” Nevertheless, they decide to put on an act.

Paddy walks into the office, and the interviewer says, “Shut the door.” He does, and the interviewer says, “You’re not deaf at all. Get out.”

Paddy comes out and tells Mick, “Whatever you do, don’t shut the door.”

Mick goes into the office, and the interviewer says the same, “Shut the door.”

Mick replies, “Shut it yourself.”

Enunciate

At a wedding ceremony, the priest asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and speak or forever hold their peace.

The moment of silence was broken by a young beautiful lady, carrying a child. She started walking slowly to the priest. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks, wondering how best to save the situation.

The priest asked the lady, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”

The woman replied, “We can’t hear in the back.”

Resurrected Rabbit

A man was driving along the highway when he saw a rabbit hopping across the road. He swerved to avoid it, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The man, being an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, got out, and saw that the rabbit was dead. He felt awful and began to cry.

A woman driving by saw the man crying and pulled over. She asked what was wrong. “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it,” the man explained.

The woman told him not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, pulled out a spray can, walked over to the dead rabbit, and sprayed it. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved at them, and hopped down the road. Fifty meters away, the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved again, and continued hopping.

The man was astonished. He ran over to the woman and demanded, “What is in that spray can?”

The woman turned the can around for him to read the label. It said: “Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”

Dorky Stork

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and a baby stork. The baby stork is crying, and the father stork is trying to calm him.

“Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s the father’s turn to deliver babies. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says, “Son, your father will be back soon, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns, and the parents ask where he’s been.

The baby stork replies, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”