Bright Idea Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy, “I need the day off. I’m gonna’ pretend I’ve gone mad!” So Paddy climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down, and shouts “I’m a light bulb, I’m a light bulb!” while Murphy watches in amazement. The foreman shouts, “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.” As Paddy leaves the site, Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. “Where do you think you’re going?” asks the foreman. “Well, I can’t work in the dark.” said Murphy.
Best Guess Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy has a bag of donuts in his hand. Paddy says to Mick: “If you can guess how many donuts are in my bag, you can have them both.”
Frog A young Irish boy said to his grandfather, “Make a frog noise for me, Grandad.” “No, son, I don’t feel like making a frog noise right now.” “Oh please, Grandad, make a frog noise.” “No, I don’t want to.” “Oh please, Grandad, make a frog noise.” “Why is it so important to you that I make a frog noise?” “Mum says when you croak we can have this house.”
Test O’Malley is leaving his favorite bar when he is run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test. O’Malley agrees to try, as he never was the brightest bulb in the box. St. Peter decides to go easy on him. “What has five fingers and is made of black leather?” he asks. O’Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up. “It’s a glove,” says St. Peter. “Let’s try again. What has ten fingers and is made of black leather?” O’Malley is clearly stumped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, he gives up. “Why, it’s TWO gloves – don’t you see? Ten fingers, black leather?” says St. Peter, amazed. Being in a generous mood, St Peter decides to give O’Malley one final chance and thinks of an even easier question. “Okay. Who is the patron saint of Ireland?” he asks, thinking surely O’Malley can’t miss this. “It wouldn’t be three gloves, would it?” says O’Malley.
Flight “Hello, Aer Lingus Airlines?” said Big Mick Lonegan. “Could ye be tellin’ me how long it takes to fly from Cleveland to Dublin?” The voice on the telephone said, “Just a minute.” “Wow. That’s fast. Thank ye,” Mick said as he hung up.
Pub Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to go to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” was the man’s reply. “Then stand over there against the wall,” said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, “Do you want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “No, I don’t Father.” The priest said, “I don’t believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die, you don’t want to go to heaven?” O’Toole said, “Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”